At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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