no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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