WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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