So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
