i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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