so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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