Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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