Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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