One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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