so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
