what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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