i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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