If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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