my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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