They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize