I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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