yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
