K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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