I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
