you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
a search helicopter?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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