i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
