Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
