I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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