I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize