Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
