There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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