You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
