State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
