Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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