1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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