Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
