I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
