She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
