.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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