her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
