I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
