Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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