So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
