I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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