toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
