I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
