Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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