WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
