Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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