I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
