I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
