That's intense
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need water and some morals
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
