I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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