"it" just moved
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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