Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
