i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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