To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
