Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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