He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
