I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
