Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
