i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
