dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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