she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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