she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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