I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
