When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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