Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize