ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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