I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Barsexuality is the new black.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she told me i tasted like america
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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