Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
