I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
