remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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