my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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